feelings....

I have struggled to write on this blog lately. I sometimes find it hard to look back at the past and don't feel like I can go through some of those things again. Today I am having feelings. I am feeling emotional about the trials in my life. I am feeling grateful that I don't have someone else's trials. I told my husband the other day that I will never regret the past few years. I cried when I said it out loud. I can't decide why. I know that i have learned things that I couldn't have learned any other way. I know that I have become closer to God and my family than I could have any other way. I know that this is where God wanted my family to be at this time and somehow through it all i come out feeling grateful. I have never been one to say I'm grateful for my trials but if I'm being so honest right now I might say that I truly am. At the same time I can't look back and wish to do any of it again. I can look back and feel glad that things weren't worse, that when I felt they couldn't get worse they indeed could have. I know I am blessed so much. I have a hard time saying out loud when I truly feel I can't do more, I can't make it thru another day like this, I can't handle anything else.......because I feel like that means I am ungrateful. What would it be like if we could all be honest with each other and ourselves and not feel judged for saying "this is just so hard, I really need help" I have the best friends and family. They truly help me through things when I honestly tell them what is going on. I have the BEST husband. He would do and does anything for me and truly loves me no matter what. I have the most AMAZING children. There are no other kids who could take care of me and love me back to health like they do. I am feeling that expressing my feelings really helps me. I am also feeling GOOD today! It's a long road still but I'm grateful for the days I feel GOOD!!